Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Holding Space for Mêlée #SOL2016

According to Webster's Dictionary, a mêlée is defined as a confused struggle. I like this word.

Seasons of conflict ebb and flow throughout our lives like the waves of the ocean. We drift along, oblivious to the struggles lurking at the surface, and without warning they explode, sending us into an emotional tailspin. Sometimes a small slight by a loved one can spark a flame, which slowly grows into a raging bonfire due to unaddressed issues. Other times our viewpoints collide so forcefully, a war of epic proportions unfolds. Either way, the disagreement leaves us feeling wobbly and uncomfortable.

One of my favorite quotes from Al-Anon can be found on page 449 of the Big Book.

Acceptance requires us to hold space for difficult emotions. It means we must consent to the prickly realities of the human condition. We hurt those we love. Our choices impact others. My character defects crash into yours, leaving a trail of harsh offenses, unresolved umbrages, and insidious insults. Sometimes conflict is the only way through, and resisting the struggle prolongs our pain. 

My rambling thoughts on the issue of conflict continue to morph into a fuzzy, incomplete puzzle. I don't have it figured out yet, but each difficult conversation leads me to a deeper understanding of a concpets I'm strugging with called integration. Hopefully someday soon the picture will come into clearer focus and some of my meandering musings will start to make sense. In the meantime I will keep writing, blogging, quesitoning, wondering, and hoping. 

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