Sunday, April 5, 2015

Shadows


I had a hard time capturing an image to represent the word shadows. Upon waking up on Easter Sunday, a thought and an old photograph surfaced in my mind. In someways, the shadows of my childhood faith follow me around. From a very young age, the smell of musty Sunday school classrooms, felt board Bible stories, and the warmth and kindness of volunteer teachers drew me to the church. In the picture below, I can't be more than four years old, and I'm skipping across the dirt-covered streets of Lefors, unaccompanied, to our local Church of Christ. Memories of VBS, summer church camps, and yearly revivals dance around in my memory. Like a shadow, I can't seem to shake the existential feelings and thoughts I've wrestled with for years. My faith has unraveled, evolved, and morphed. Lurking in the corners of my soul, the God of my understanding continues to whisper a deep abiding truth I struggle to accept. "There is nothing you could ever do to make me love you less. And there is nothing you need to do to make me love you more. You're enough Tenille." Until I can fully embrace this message, the line between healthy striving and perfectionism remains blurred. 




2 comments:

  1. Oh, sweet girl, I was in Paris today to celebrate Easter with my Grandmother, and I had the very same thoughts about this prompt! Shadows of my childhood. I could hear my brother, sister, and I hiding eggs in the back yard. I could hear all of the over voices of loved ones talking about the church service. Those shadows washed over me today, and I was brought to tears! I love that you wrote about your shadows! I need to figure out how to put mine into words....and your picture is exactly how I would picture you at four! Adorable!!

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  2. Isn't it funny how our childhood memories both disturb and comfort us at the same time? I'm glad you got to spend the day with your grandmother, and I know exactly what you mean about the flood of emotions that accompany our trips through nostalgia. Thanks for the sweet compliment and for taking the time to leave a comment.

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