One Word 2018: Unwind

My husband and I recently took a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Australia. Several colleagues inquired about our adventures, and when they asked about my favorite part of the vacation, I didn't skip a beat—disconnecting Down Under! Travel is my guilty pleasure, and when I hop on a boat, train, or plane, I shift from 180 miles per hour to zero. For fifteen glorious days, I relished in NOT thinking about an overflowing inbox, Outlook calendar appointments, or the mountain of paperwork littering my desk. I didn't check Voxer, Facebook, or Twitter. Instead, I read books, played board games, went sightseeing, and enjoyed an afternoon cocktail daily. With the switch placed firmly in the off position, I felt loose and free. Unfortunately, within 24 hours of our return, the stretched out slinky inside my head snapped back to its former coiled state. My brief romance with relaxation came to a screeching halt.

You see, I am wound up way too tight.

Neurotic DNA courses through my veins, and it seems as though the engine in my brain only has two operating speeds: low and high. I over-function, over-analyze, and over-achieve. I wear the socially acceptable addiction known as workaholism like a badge of honor, and my unbalanced existence leaves me dizzy, tired, and resentful. I have come to understand my extreme, anxious nature no longer serves me. Untangling my self-worth from productivity and learning to silence the shame I feel when I don't meet or exceed self-imposed expectations will take lots of work. Therefore, my One Word for 2018 is . . .

Years ago, I read Brené Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection. The quote below haunts my inmost being. I long to live a Wholehearted life, and it's time I find a way to relax and take things in stride. The Latin root, relaxāre means to stretch out or loosen. Unwinding demands I let go of perception control and embrace wonder and whimsy. Although I currently see play as a waste of time, I truly desire to rediscover the childlike joy that comes from unstructured, purposeless activities. I need to schedule daily downtime and establish decompression routines designed to release me from the chains of obsessiveness.

As I prepare to take this next trip around the sun, a familiar image of my Great-Grandmother Horn's wooden sewing spools surfaces in my mind.

As a little girl, I loved winding and unwinding the thread. My siblings and I built tall towers and made button necklaces. Sometimes the thin fibers would twist and tangle, causing frustration and annoyance. Patiently, we'd weave our way out of the mess, and hours of unencumbered play would ensue. This year, as I learn to unwind, I hope to return to a simpler time of worry free days full of curiosity, calmness, and astonishment.

In 2018, may my worth be less dependent on doing and more dependent on becoming. May I not fret when I fail, and may I learn to lean into discomfort. May I soften my attention, accept whatever's happening, loosen my judgmental standards, and allow life to flow along its uncertain path.