In March of 2007 I met Hunter and Chandler for the very first time. Their dad and I had been dating for a little over two months. Because our whirlwind relationship had progressed rapidly, I knew formal introductions to his children meant we were taking things to the next level. When Chris talked about his kids his eyes would light up and his heart would swell. Despite distance and divorce, they were the center of his world.
At the time, the children were still living in Abilene with their mother, and Chris resided in Austin. On the weekends he wasn’t making the long drive to west Texas, he’d visit me in Burleson. I’d been teaching fourth grade for a little over seven years, so the prospect of spending the day with a nine and twelve year old during spring break felt inviting and natural. I’d fallen head over heels in love with their dad, and I hoped they would accept me in the same gentle way their father had. We spent most of the day exploring the Fort Worth Museum of Science and History together. Hunter’s quiet, thoughtful spirit made me feel right at home, and Chandler’s bubbly smile put me at ease. Laughter, conversation, and connection emerged immediately, and I vividly remember thinking, “I want to watch these two grow up.”
Embracing my role as a bonus mom took some time. However, I must admit I’m one of the lucky ones because Chris’s kids have been incredibly easy to love and to raise. Because they had two parents who fully invested in their physical and emotional development, I truly got to be a “bonus” adult in their lives. From the beginning, I rejected both the label and the stereotypes associated with step-parenting. Instead, I became more like an aunt or a mentor, nurturing their spirits and cheering them on through challenging seasons of life. When Hunter came to live with us at the age of 14, his dad handled all discipline issues—allowing me to be a guide, a confidant, and listening ear.
During the summer of 2013, after Hunter graduated from high school, we took a family road trip to California. On our way back home we spent one memorable night in Sin City. These travel experiences bonded us a family, and I have such fond memories of listening to YA audiobooks in the car together. I can still hear the audible gasps from the back seat when we learned Miranda, the main character in the book, Life As We Knew It, saves her family during an apocalyptic event . I treasure these glimpses into the past immensely.
For years now, we’ve referred to Hunt as “the boy”. It’s a term of endearment I hold dear to my heart.
Aw, this is wonderful! Blended families can be tricky, but it seems as if yours has worked out well. I have three of my own sons, plus a bonus son AND and a bonus daughter. These two didn't enter my life as early as yours did, but I am lucky that we get along well. They will call to talk to both of us, not just my husband. My own kids will call to talk to their bonus dad. I am blessed all around, and it sounds like you are, too. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a wonderful homage to your bonus children. (BTW: I hadn't heard that term until last year when someone I switched stylists. She couldn't stop talking about how much she loved her bonus kids. It made my heart swell because she loves them as dearly as the son she gave birth to herself.)
ReplyDeleteLoved the photos of Hunter and Chandler in the way past and in the more recent past. :)
Love love love this. When you thought you wanted to watch these two grow up; when you knew they'd be in your life forever. I felt you in those moments. Thank you for sharing of yourself. Big feelings for this post. XOXO
ReplyDeleteThis is a really thoughtful and lovely post. One day my kids may have a bonus parent, and I hope they view the role in the openminded, respectful way that you do! Thank you for sharing!
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