As much as I love my summer break, the inevitable sense of insignificance always seems to creep into my psyche. This year I avoided this unwelcomed guest for several weeks by traveling and attending professional development sessions. Unfortunately, the month of July brought with it blank days, and I am now battling icky feelings of worthlessness.
During the school year, my mind races at the speed of light. There is always some lesson to plan, some project to complete, or some problem to solve. My life from August to May is consumed with thoughts of school, and I function at a break-neck pace. The transition period always brings an intense amount of adjustment, and after several years of watching this pattern emerge, I always vow to do a better job of shifting from high to low gear.
Regrettably, my good intentions fail me, and once again I find myself in the lonely place where I feel like I have no purpose. I’m a teacher with no class. So I fill my days reading books, cleaning out junk drawers, and surfing the web. I’ve started writing this blog in an effort to feel like I’m contributing something to the world. I want to remember what it feels like to wrestle with language, and hopefully I will develop a deeper sense of empathy for what my students face each time I ask them to pick up their pencils and write.
Cognitively, I know I am worthy of love and belonging just because I’m breathing. God has gifted me with many talents, but during the summer months I often feel listless and unmotivated. I’ve grown to accept the metaphor of a field lying fallow, and during the summer months I do my best to unwind and recharge. This time in invaluable, and I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.
Today I will piddle around the house, play on the Internet, and perhaps I will connect with a friend. I will choose to enjoy the slow pace of the day, and I will let go of my ridiculous need to be incessantly active. Rejuvenation and renewal are necessary for healthy living, and I hope I can embrace the fullness of this sweet season of restoration.