Friday, March 25, 2016
Cloudy With a Chance of Brain Fog #SOL16
The fragmentation of my thoughts has grown progressively worse, and about six months ago, I realized by the end of a school day, my brain was 100% spent. I'd plop down at my desk and attempt to accomplish a computer task. Composing a complete sentence felt like a mammoth feat. I began to miss deadlines, and sometimes I would be in mid sentence and forget what I was going to say. Absentmindedness and distraction took up residence in my skull, and I started to feel incompetent, inefficient, and irked. So I researched the ambiguous term brain fog, which is not necessarily recognized by the mainstream medical community, and this is what I found.
Years ago I owned an old HP computer. The internal processor labored and strained to load websites, and a quiet, whirring hum could be heard as I attempted to open more than one window at a time. Periodically, I would defrag the machine overnight, and the next day the computer would run a little faster. Sleep serves as a mental defragmenter for my mind, and when I wake up in the morning, I feel refreshed, alert, and less foggy. Between 6:00 a.m. and 2:00 p.m., my brain operates much more efficiently, and I can't decide if I should just accept this changing reality and try to be as productive as possible during this small window of time or see a doctor and start taking some ADD medication.
My husband and I are nine years apart in age, and as I watched him transition to middle age, I noticed similar patterns emerge. For years he hustled, rushed, and plowed through life with the force of a hurricane. By the time he turned 40 he'd accomplished all his professional goals, and living life at a breakneck speed no longer served him. Finally after years of fighting the rat race, he slowed down, found a hobby he enjoyed, and began to achieve that elusive balance missing from my own existence.
As much as I despise this current struggle, I am hoping I too will eventually learn to relax and take a break. Perhaps what I perceive as bothersome brain fog is really just my body's way of saying It's time to settle down Tenille.