Day 12 #SOL21: Contemplating The Rumble

 

Rumbling with others is so damn difficult. It's also insanely necessary.  

Thanks to the brilliant work of Dr. Brené Brown, we have access to a few tools designed to help us through the process. 

Scaffolds like these can be wildly beneficial, yet in the midst of the storming they are often difficult to retrieve. 

My team and I did some important container building work today during our Friday PLC, and as we were signing off the Zoom meeting, tears unexpectedly sprouted from my eyes. As the tsunami of emotions surged out of control, I tried to pull it together. Although these ladies are safe and I knew they would honor whatever I was experiencing, I still felt awkward breaking down without really understanding the origins of the emotions. 

During my quick lunch break before another Zoom PD session began, I stumbled across this Tweet crafted by @Jess5th, a brilliant 5th grade teacher I admire immensely. Her words perfectly captured all the feels I couldn't quite nail down. 

I am loosely held together right now. And that is okay. I suspect many of you are too. 

As we all try to make sense of this last year, I hope we will remember that those around us are doing the very best they can. Rumbling reminds us of our shared humanity and it forces us to reckon with ideas, emotions, and truths we might prefer to suppress. Because I couldn't hold my shit together through the end of our meeting, I'll readily admit to having a vulnerability hangover. This simply means I showed up and waded through the murky waters of discomfort. Sure, a few threads came undone, but I'm convinced more than ever that unraveling is a necessary part of healing. 

Perhaps someday I'll be better equipped at identifying and naming the emotions as they occur. For today, I'm thankful for the people in my life who graciously hold space for the fragile parts of who I am.