Thursday, July 19, 2012

Intellectual Mush


School resumes for teachers in three weeks, and my brain feels like a pin-ball machine, endlessly bouncing jumbled ideas around in my head. A sense of urgency envelopes me as I rush to find a way to incorporate all my summer learning into a manageable, neatly-packaged implementation plan. This usually leads to frustration and anxiety, which are not desirable companions.

Because solutions elude me, I avoid the chaotic feelings by pursuing more knowledge. I mindlessly surf the web, looking for novel ideas and new information. Perhaps the Internet fog I find myself in is an avoidance tactic, propelled by procrastination. Just this morning, I spent almost an hour watching YouTube videos about Flipped Classroom Instruction, hoping to find some magical response to all of my unanswered questions.  

I crave focus. Instead, my thoughts are like a distorted graphic, blurred and indistinct. Although I know the power of narrowing my attention to a few specific goals, I struggle with concentration.  Hopefully a discernible image will gradually emerge, and in the meantime, I’ll keep trudging forward, praying for clarity and precision.

Teaching is a science and an art, which means I must simultaneously hold space in my head for linear and abstract concepts. Maybe that’s the reason I feel so confused. For now, these muddled musings in my membranes will have to remain unresolved. With any luck, I’ll figure it out as I go, and a new school year will dawn whether a clear direction surfaces or not. Why stress? I’ve still got time. Or do I? (Panic-stricken music plays in the background . . .) Aye-yigh-yigh!

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